Couples

Before getting married, my now husband and I often discussed our financial future. We chose from the start to have “all things in common,” (Acts 2:44)[1] financially that is, by combining our financial resources. That was a difficult and time-consuming decision for us. The reality is that finances are a huge part of any married couple’s relationship yet far too few individuals discuss the details of their financial goals and attitudes before tying the knot.[2] Having these discussions is beneficial because how couples choose to manage their finances from the beginning can have a long-lasting impact on their future marriage.[3], [4], [5]

Dr. Jeff Dew and colleagues’ article entitled Examining the Relationship Between Financial Issues and Divorce found that financial disagreements predicted divorce more strongly than other common types of disagreements (i.e., household tasks or time spent together).[1] This shows that money can be a real issue in relationships and take a serious toll on marriage. Another study explains that most marriages experience “financial conflict, strain, or stress” to one degree or another. Thus, it is important for couples to learn how to deal with these struggles and manage stress related to finances.[2] Dew and colleagues found that calm communication, overall marital satisfaction, and financial equality were important for a marriage to thrive. By cultivating healthy communication, managing expectations, and working as equal partners, couples can successfully navigate financial difficulties and claim joy in their lives together.

In marriage, numerous factors come into play determining power dynamics, or who holds what amount of power in the relationship. From work stress, intimacy, and social lives, there is much to balance within a marriage. Yet, in this complexity, have you ever paused to consider how your financial behaviors as a couple might be affecting your marriage? In this article, we will delve into the often-overlooked connection between financial behaviors and marital dynamics, shedding light on how our financial decisions may shape the delicate balance of power in our relationships, (hopefully) contributing to equal partnership.

As evidenced by numerous research studies, financial distress often negatively impacts relationship satisfaction.[1] Work-family spillover may be one potential reason for this association. Work-family spillover refers to the spillover of work stresses to family life (such as working overtime or bringing work home), as well as the spillover of family stresses to work (such as bringing family issues to work). Toby Driggs, Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black, and colleagues analyzed how work-family spillover is related to financial distress and relationship satisfaction for newlywed dual-earner couples.[2] They found that although work-family spillover can be harmful to a relationship when paired with financial distress, couples can adjust to overcome this difficulty and come out stronger.

Picture this: Maui, Maldives, or Mexico. You and your spouse are newlyweds basking in the glow of marital bliss. The sun on your skin, the breeze flowing through your hair, the scent of the salty sea air, the sound of your spouse counting your money to prepare the weekly budget—wait what? In their research study, Matthew Saxey, Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black, and colleagues discovered that the way couples manage their money together could impact their sex lives.[1]

It might feel like common sense that as a couple experiences more financial stress, they would probably experience difficulty in their marriage and their marital quality could go down. Makes sense, right? This situation might resonate with you because you have personally experienced it; perhaps you’re newly married and all the financial demands of married life have suddenly become very real. Or perhaps you’ve been married for a while now, and everything has been fine until one of you loses your job. Being married may not feel as fulfilling in these moments. However, there is reason to hope that things can get better, and that marital quality will rise again.

Finances will always be an important topic for couples. Dr. Heather Kelley and colleagues recently studied how spouses’ perceptions of each other’s financial behavior are linked to marital well-being.[1] They found that how a couple views each other’s spending decisions can impact their relationship. Specifically, perceiving one’s partner as a spender negatively impacted marital satisfaction, commitment, and power for both spouses. In addition, viewing one’s partner as a saver was detrimental for the marital commitment and power of each spouse.1 This article will explore more of Kelley’s findings and discuss couple dynamics and perceptions as they relate to spending, saving, and communicating about money.

Joining your life with another person through marriage comes with many challenges such as raising a family, dealing with in-laws, or potential snoring—to name a few. Adapting to your partner’s financial habits and values is no exception. Trying to understand and compromise on finances is a daunting task, especially since finances seem to affect every aspect of our lives: where we live, what we eat, what we wear, and what we do.

Couples experience conflict about various topics, from work-life balance to sex. Amidst these heated debates, there is one topic that consistently appears as a common ground for disagreement and a powerful emotional trigger: money.[1] It is common knowledge that finances can affect relationships. This is more relevant than ever today as financial stress is at its highest level in nearly a decade.[2] Whether you are dating, married, or cohabiting, financial satisfaction can have an impact on your relationship satisfaction. Dr. Casey Totenhagen and colleagues put this to the test, conducting research where couples recorded how they felt financially (like what do you feel is the level of your financial stress today?) and relationally (like how satisfied, content, and happy are you with your relationship?) every day for two weeks.2 It is no surprise that as financial satisfaction fluctuates, so does relationship satisfaction. To add to this, gender also has an impact! So, what does all this mean for you and your relationship? Let’s get into more specifics!

Figuring out finances can create challenges, and we are here to provide some information that could be helpful for you! In simple terms, the study The Effect of Households’ Student Debt on Life Satisfaction led by Dr. Thomas Korankye[1] shows that having student-loan debt harms how satisfied people feel about their lives. Even though taking on debt is often seen as an investment in the future, it can make people feel less satisfied with their lives until the debt is fully paid off.