Couples

Ever wonder why some couples can calmly talk through a budget while others spiral into shouting matches over spending? Money disagreements are one of the top stressors for couples—but what if the way you learned about money as a kid could help keep those fights at bay? That’s the question Dr. Ashley Larsen Gibby and colleagues explored in their 2021 study.1 They looked at how both implicit and explicit childhood financial lessons affect couples’ ability to handle money disagreements in marriage. In this article, I’ll explain what they found, why it matters, and how your own childhood money experiences might be your secret weapon (or crutch to overcome) for smoother financial talks with your partner.

Marriage requires the sharing of many things. There is a shift from individual goals and mindsets to setting goals as a couple, a change in focus and a new pattern, strengthening and supporting each other, and everything in between. During this adjustment, financial questions are often top of mind. How should we handle finances? Who handles the budgeting, income, and savings? Is it one partner, both, or something in between? And is one way of approaching it better than another approach? These questions are similar to those asked by researchers who sought to better understand how financial management roles influenced couple relationships.1,2,3

Retirement. The dream within a dream. The eventual likelihood for every working person and often a major goal and milestone for many people. Yet there is also sometimes a less talked-about but essential aspect to retirement. I term it a perpetual gloom and doom for some, with the hopes and dreams of fun, worthwhile, and fulfilling retirement being met with disappointment as financial worry overshadows it all. But are financial worries about retirement really such a big deal today? Do people still see them as a regular part of the retirement experience?

Money and marriage…when put together, they can be a recipe for stress and strain. But what if there was a way to handle money worries without letting them harm your relationship? New research shows that financial concerns don’t always spell doom for a relationship. In fact, some couples can feel stressed about money and still report being happy together. How? That’s what Drs. Brandan Wheeler and Cecilia Brooks1 set out to explore. They studied how financial worries, relationship happiness, and money management behaviors are connected among married and cohabiting couples. Their findings reveal that how you handle money matters just as much—if not more—than whether you feel financially stressed in the first place. In other words, the strategies couples use around money can act as a protective factor, helping them stay close even when finances are tight.

Money can do more than stress a relationship; it can quietly shape who holds power in a couple. But it doesn’t have to be a source of tension. A study by Dr. Xiaomin Li and colleagues examined how financial communication, power imbalances, and even “social sabotage” show up in different-gender couples in the U.S.1 Put simply, the way partners talk about money and make decisions together can either bring them closer or create subtle tension. The study highlights three key dynamics that shape relationships: how open communication fosters fairness, how power imbalances emerge when communication falters, and how certain behaviors can quietly undermine trust.

Newlywed life is like building a bridge together, and its stability depends on two essential pillars: trust and communication.[i] This period is not only a crucial time for redefining relationship norms, but also a period of some of the most heightened emotional fluctuations and shifts in relationship satisfaction.[ii] That makes it especially important to understand how trust and communication interact. Trust is an inner assurance that your partner will make decisions that benefit both of you[iii] and serves as the foundation for positive interaction.[iv] Communication is more than exchanging words; it’s about expressing respect, empathy, and affirmation, especially when one partner is feeling vulnerable.[v]

Ever wonder why some couples seem totally in sync when it comes to managing money, while others can’t agree on whether to save, spend, or invest? The start of those habits often occurs early in life. In their 2014 study, BYU researchers Scott Payne and colleagues looked at how financial lessons from childhood can shape how well couples manage money together.¹ How you learned to handle money as a kid—whether through direct lessons or by observing your parents’ habits—can influence whether you and your partner develop healthy financial teamwork, including decisions about long-term goals like retirement or everyday spending.

Hannah is extremely disciplined with her money. She keeps track of every cent, saves regularly, and maintains a strict budget. She is proud of her spending habits because she knows exactly where her money is going. These habits lead her to feel financially secure and satisfied. Josh, on the other hand, tends to use his money impulsively. He does not like to budget or save very much, and his financial situation often stresses him, leading him to feel financially frustrated. What happens when these two mindsets come together in a relationship? Would their finances follow Hannah’s financial expertise or Josh’s haphazard ways? According to research, there are certain outcomes that these two lovebirds could potentially expect.

You probably know your partner's favorite takeout order or Netflix show. But do you know how they feel about money? Not just the budget stuff—but their deep-down beliefs about what money means. These beliefs, called money scripts, can influence your behaviors, your conversations, and your connection with your partner.[1]

In Disney’s film Up, you learn about Carl and Ellie—a young couple filled with aspirations and adventurous spirits. Shortly after getting married, they purchased a fixer-upper house because it was likely all they could afford as a newlywed couple. To save money, Carl and Ellie sawed, nailed, and polished their house until it felt more like a home. After some planning, they prepared for an addition to their home: Carl and Ellie delicately hung toy blimps over a crib and trimmed the back wall with a hand-painted stork. The next time you see this overjoyed couple, however, they’re in a dark hallway under the ominous glow of a pale-lit doctor’s office. Ellie has her face buried in her palms—they can’t have children. She isn’t alone, though; about one-tenth of all couples struggle with infertility.[1]