While play is an essential aspect of child development,1 it is also crucial in adulthood in non-work activities that offer relaxation, engagement, and...connection.2 Play, or leisure, is beneficial in strengthening emotional connections, reducing tensions, and promoting positive interactions within a romantic relationship.3 Furthermore, shared leisure time promotes intimacy.3 After a long workday, a couple could benefit by walking, learning a hobby, or playing a game together. Just as it is important for parents to foster a loving and open environment for children to de-stress and find freedom in play, couples benefit from prioritizing their playtime and constructing within their lives an adult playpen of sorts, a space where they can emotionally reconnect, physically rejuvenate, and mentally unwind.4
On the other hand, financial stress is nothing to play around with. In addition to taking a toll on individuals’ mental and physical health, it is linked to decreased marital satisfaction and commitment.5 Couples facing financial hardship often experience frustration, resentment, and emotional withdrawal, preventing the optimal development of a healthy relationship.6
What research had not yet discovered is whether shared leisure can mitigate the negative effects of financial stress on relationships. In other words, do couples who play together stay together (despite financial stress)? Dr. Casey Totenhagen and other researchers explored this question and found that shared leisure did protect against some of the negative effects of financial distress—but only for higher-income couples.5 In other words, for higher-income couples, financial distress wasn’t too hard on their relationship if they engaged in lots of shared leisure. The shared leisure helped these couples connect despite the stress. However, for lower-income couples, higher shared leisure made the impact of financial stress worse.5 For these couples, the money and time that some shared leisure activities require may be money and time they can’t spare, so spending it anyway can make the stress even worse. For those working with lower-income couples, telling them to play together may not be as helpful as helping them alleviate their financial stress.
Thus, a couple's playtime should be considered carefully in light of their financial situation. The wrong kind of play—or more expensive play—could outweigh the benefits in a low-income relationship. Couples should consider the size of their playpen and the toys they allocate their financial resources to, choosing wisely to balance relaxation with their financial reality.
Takeaways
On the one hand, play may seem inherently beneficial in a romantic relationship - just as it is in child-rearing. However, before couples rush to the movie theater, amusement park, or next vacation, they could consider wallet-friendly alternatives. Otherwise, the couple may run into financial strain, which can then put strain on the relationship.7
- Promote closeness: Studies show that it may not be the cost of the activity but the intention or goals behind the leisure that promote closeness from shared leisure.8 The simpler and more setup-free, the better. Couples can explore various volunteer opportunities in their area: an inexpensive alternative to leisure that stresses the wallet less and can foster deeper bonds.
- Promote health: While the health benefits of leisure are somewhat conditional on individual makeup, a walk outdoors, volunteering, or listening to music as a couple may prevent, manage, and treat mental and physical illness. Researchers have found over 600 potential ways that leisure activities can improve health - making it worth the purposeful investment of time and energy.6
- Promote decision unity: Imagine the variety of activities that children engage in; everything from trampoline time to imaginative doll play to bike rides provides enhanced development in children.4 However, not every child enjoys every activity; every child has preferences for play. The same is true for adult leisure. It is crucial for romantic partners to prioritize agreement on their shared activities. Ensuring both partners feel equally excited about and engaged in the chosen activity can go a long way in improving the experience.
Summary
Play and leisure can be powerful tools for strengthening relationships, but the financial context in which they occur matters more than you might think. By considering the financial impact of leisure, couples can maximize their quality time together while avoiding the financial pitfalls that can turn shared play into stress.
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1 Nijhof, S. L., Vinkers, C. H., van Geelen, S. M., Duijff, S. N., Achterberg, E. J. M., van der Net, J., Veltkamp, R. C., Grootenhuis, M. A., van de Putte, E. M., Hillegers, M. H. J., van der Brug, A. W., Wierenga, C. J., Benders, M. J. N. L., Engels, R. C. M. E., van der Ent, C. K., Vanderschuren, L. J. M. J., & Lesscher, H. M. B. (2018). Healthy play, better coping: The importance of play for the development of children in health and disease. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 95, 421–429. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2018.09.024
2 Blackshaw, T. (2016). Re-Imagining Leisure Studies. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315708317
3 Johnson, H. A., Zabriskie, R. B., & Hill, B. (2006a). The contribution of couple leisure involvement, leisure time, and leisure satisfaction to marital satisfaction. Marriage & Family Review, 40(1), 69–91. https://doi.org/10.1300/j002v40n01_05
4 Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). The power of play: A pediatric role in enhancing development in young children. Pediatrics, 142(3). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-2058
5 Totenhagen, C. J., Li, X., Wilmarth, M. J., Archuleta, K. L., & Yorgason, J. B. (2023). Do couples who play together stay together? A longitudinal dyadic examination of shared leisure, financial distress, and relationship outcomes. Family Process, 63(1), 210–227. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12869
6 Fancourt, D., Aughterson, H., Finn, S., Walker, E., & Steptoe, A. (2021). How leisure activities affect health: A narrative review and multi-level theoretical framework of mechanisms of action. The Lancet Psychiatry, 8(4), 329–339. https://doi.org/10.1016/s2215-0366(20)30384-9
7 Falconier, M. K., & Jackson, J. B. (2020). Economic strain and couple relationship functioning: A meta-analysis. International Journal of Stress Management, 27(4), 311–325. https://doi.org/10.1037/str0000157
8 Harasymchuk, C., Walker, D. L., Muise, A., & Impett, E. A. (2021). Planning date nights that promote closeness: The roles of relationship goals and self-expansion. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(5), 1692–1709. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211000436