Money is the last thing I want to talk about with my friends and family. Money is sensitive, personal, and a bit taboo. However, it is a vital resource to get the things we want and need in life! Seeking advice can be considered an important resource as well!1 Dr. Melissa Curran and her colleagues dove deeper into the idea of resources, specifically with consideration to seeking advice from family and friends.
Dr. Melissa Curran and her team proposed that financial resource loss can be a potential catalyst for advice seeking.1 The researchers discussed that when people lose resources, such as money, they try to find other resources to counter the loss.1 Hence, losing financial or other resources might cause someone to look to others for advice. Bouncing off this, they studied two groups of people: financially stable and financially unstable married couples. The researchers looked at these two groups and studied how advice seeking from friends and family relates to their overall wellbeing and marital risk (the likelihood of a couple getting divorced).[1]
Along with this, Curran and her team considered whether one feels relationship support or strain from the person they are seeking advice from. Relationship strain is defined as the negative, difficult things about a relationship.1 On the other hand, relationship support is defined as the positive, uplifting things about a relationship.[2] For example, a relationship with strain might include a person who constantly nags their friend about their lifestyle, whereas a relationship with support might include a person who consistently supports her sister through difficult circumstances. Seeking advice from anyone, especially about finances, can be a vulnerable experience.2 So, it makes sense that seeking advice from straining relationships with friends and family can impact one’s wellbeing and marital risk. Considering this, Dr. Curran and her team suggested that people should practice caution when seeking advice from friends and family.
But what does all of this mean? That’s a great question. First, people see social support as a resource, especially during times of financial loss or stress.[3] As seen in Curran’s study, we need certain people to go to when things are rough, and when we need advice.1 Second, who we seek advice from matters.
The Social Support Resource
Curran and her colleagues found that financially unstable couples tend to face more resource loss. Because of this, they are more likely to outsource and seek advice from others—particularly from friends and family. Curran and her team speculated that financially unstable couples do not go to each other for advice because it could feel like a total resource loss. In other words, these couples could be more afraid to talk with each other about sensitive topics because they are under such resource loss and therefore stress. However, seeking advice outside of the marriage lowers marital risk because it is an additional resource.1 Interestingly, Curran and her team found that seeking advice from friends can mitigate marital risk, while seeking advice from family members can be associated with higher marital risk.1 This could be because the family members of financially couple people are more likely to be financially unstable themselves.1 Also, this could cause relationship strain with one’s family members and their spouse.
The outcomes for financially stable couples were different.1 Financially stable couples may not be facing as much resource loss, which can make advice seeking seem like a resource loss when one goes to advice from friends.1 This is because financially stable partners might let go of the stability in their relationship when turning to their friends for advice.1 For instance, one partner may go to their friends for advice more often than they go to their spouse for advice. This dynamic could cause strain on their marriage.1 On the other hand, when individuals sought advice from family, marital risk was lower and individual well-being was higher.1 This could be because financially stable couples come from financially stable families, and get more supportive or helpful advice from family.1
Takeaways
Be cautious when seeking advice.
Some people are great to seek advice from. Ask advice in relationships with low strain—meaning, you feel confident and at ease in this relationship.1 You might want to avoid going to people who you experience relationship strain from, as this can be detrimental to your own well-being and marital satisfaction.1 As you consider seeking advice from others, you should be wary of what you say, and who you say it to.
Consider other resources.
Sometimes talking with your spouse about stressful topics can be tiring and put strain on the relationship. If you are uncomfortable seeking advice from others or talking with your spouse about stressful topics, consider other resources! There are tons of reputable resources that can help you navigate certain situations. For example, if you are seeking advice about how to do your taxes and are uncomfortable going to your loved ones about it, consider looking at a reputable taxing resource online for more information. Or you could consider seeking professional advice and help from a certified therapist.
References:
[1] Curran, M., Totenhagen, C., & Serido, J. (2010). How resources (or lack thereof) influence advice seeking on psychological well-being and marital risk: Testing pathways of the lack of financial stability, support, and strain. Journal of Adult Development, 17, 44-56. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-009-9077-8
[2] House, J. S., Umberson, D., & Landis, K. (1988). Structures and processes of social support. In W. R. Scott & J. Blake (Eds.), Annual review of sociology (pp. 293–318). Palo Alto, CA: Annual Reviews. https://doi.org/10.1146/14.080188.001453
[3] Hobfoll, S. E. (1989). Conservation of resources: A new attempt at conceptualizing stress. American Psychologist, 44, 513–524. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.44.3.513