You probably know your partner's favorite takeout order or Netflix show. But do you know how they feel about money? Not just the budget stuff—but their deep-down beliefs about what money means. These beliefs, called money scripts, can influence your behaviors, your conversations, and your connection with your partner.[1]
So where do these beliefs come from? We all develop money scripts over time, shaped by our families, childhood experiences, and cultural surroundings.1 Whether we realize it or not, these beliefs influence our day-to-day financial choices—like how much we save each paycheck, how to manage credit cards, or whether it’s worth it to buy a hotdog and drink at baseball-game prices. In the big picture these choices may seem small, but at the end of the day, our financial decisions represent deeply held values that really do matter within a relationship. Because these everyday financial choices reflect deeper personal values, they can quietly shape how couples connect and communicate. To better understand this dynamic, Dr. LeBaron-Black and colleagues studied four money scripts to see how they relate to financial communication and overall relationship satisfaction: money avoidance, money focus, money status, and money privacy.[2]
Money Avoidance
Money avoidance is the belief that money is inherently bad. It might sound surprising, but for people with this money script, money can represent greed, fear, and stress.1 They tend to see wealthy people as selfish and undeserving, and they consider money to be a taboo topic. This perspective can lead to behaviors like ignoring bills or avoiding financial planning.1 While money avoidance may lead to personal challenges with finances, Dr. LeBaron-Black’s study did not find any connection between money avoidance and either relationship satisfaction or financial communication.1 Although money avoidance beliefs are important to recognize when it comes to personal well-being, they aren’t likely to have a big impact on your relationship.
Money Focus
Money can’t buy happiness, right? Well, those with a money focus script may actually believe otherwise. They put a high value on having money; they are always in the pursuit of earning more and spending more. Consciously or not, this is because they really do believe that money can buy happiness—and who doesn’t want more happiness? Unfortunately, the actual outcomes for those with money focus scripts do not seem to match that narrative. This constant drive to earn more can lead to perpetual dissatisfaction and financial strain.1 Dr. LeBaron-Black’s study also found that when people were really focused on money, they tended to have lower quality communication about finances within their relationship—which can take a toll on relationship satisfaction.1 If you recognize that you tend to view money in this way, it may be affecting not only your personal finances, but your relationship as well.
Money Status
Those with money status scripts might not believe that money can buy happiness, but they do believe that their worth depends on it. With a net-worth-equals-self-worth attitude, they often enjoy displaying their wealth to others, believing that it boosts their standing in the eyes of others.1 Unlike the money avoidance script, which tends to be suspicious of wealth, the money status script views wealthy people as successful and hardworking—and may even view the poor less favorably instead. Although money status is linked with poor financial well-being on an individual level, in Dr. LeBaron-Black’s study, it did not largely impact couples’ communication about finances or their satisfaction within the relationship.1 Although it may not drastically affect your relationship, money status can take a toll on personal finances.
Money Privacy
Money privacy is the idea that it’s better to keep financial details—like how much you earn or have—private. 2 It’s the belief that talking openly about money is taboo. While that might sound like it could cause problems in a relationship, Dr. LeBaron-Black’s study actually found that money privacy did not lead to poor communication about finances or lower relationship satisfaction. 2 It’s likely that people with high money privacy would still be fairly transparent about money with their spouse but are just more private about money with other people. Wanting some privacy around money (outside of your marriage) isn’t necessarily a red flag—in moderation, it could just be part of setting healthy boundaries.
Summary
Ultimately, Dr. LeBaron-Black’s study found that money scripts do matter when it comes to relationships. Although several of the money scripts (i.e., money avoidance, money focus, and money status) are related to poor financial well-being, couples with overall similar money script beliefs had better communication about finances—and this communication improved couples’ satisfaction within their relationship.2 Although two people in a relationship may not always have helpful beliefs about money, for the sake of your relationship it may actually be more important to consider whether or not your beliefs are compatible with your partner’s beliefs. At the very least, talking about finances seems to be key in maintaining a positive relationship with your partner. Money focus in particular, however, was linked with worse financial communication between partners and lower satisfaction in the relationship.2
Takeaways
1. Know your money scripts and talk about them. You have probably talked about political views, life goals, family perspectives, who will do the dishes, etc. with your partner before taking major steps in your relationship. Because we hold money script beliefs and values so deeply, they are just as important to talk about. With something often subconsciously developed like money scripts, awareness is an important first step. Have a conversation with your partner! Discuss these hidden beliefs, where they might have come from, and how they are impacting you today. You’ll probably learn something new about both yourself and your partner in the process.
2. Let go of money focus. The money focus script is consistently linked to worse outcomes for both individuals and couples.1 If you recognize money focus beliefs in you or your partner, work together to value financial security and shared goals more than the pursuit of “more.” If you find this change in money values to be a challenge, therapy or financial coaching can be helpful resources.
3. Shared scripts can bring you together. While certain money scripts may have drawbacks, the real relationship booster is alignment. When couples share similar money scripts—even if those beliefs aren’t always ideal—they tend to communicate better about finances.2 And better financial communication means better relationship satisfaction!2 This means it’s not just what you believe about money that matters, but whether you and your partner are on the same page. If you discover differences in your money scripts, don’t panic—talking through those differences can help you find common ground, deepen understanding, and build financial habits that work for both of you.
As you explore money scripts with your partner, seek to be curious rather than judgmental. Take it as an opportunity to grow closer together. At the end of the day, it’s not really about dollars—it's about your relationship.
References:
[1] Klontz, B., Britt, S. L., Mentzer, J., & Klontz, T. (2011). Money beliefs and financial behaviors: Development of the Klontz money script inventory. Journal of Financial Therapy, 2(1), https://doi.org/10.4148/jft.v2i1.451
[2] LeBaron-Black, A. B., Li, X., Wilmarth, M. J., Suxo-Sanchez, S. C., Archuleta, K. L., Yorgason, J. B., & Kong, D. (2025). Happily ever affluence: Dyadic analysis of money scripts, financial communication, and relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 0(0). https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075251327316