What does money represent to you? Money to me is our time, effort, work, freedom, security, comfort, and even growth. We usually give meaning and value to money by what it represents to us. Now, would you trust your money to any person? What about your partner? Do you have enough confidence in how your partner manages money? Confidence is important when making decisions, but did you know that feeling confident about money is also good for your relationship?
Research by Dr. Casey Totenhagen and colleagues1 has shown that couples who feel good about their financial knowledge tend to be happier and more secure in their relationships. It’s not just about how well you manage money, but how confident you feel about your ability to make smart financial decisions together.[1] They found that couples who share similar financial values like agreeing on how to save, manage debt, or stick to a budget tend to feel more connected and satisfied in their relationship. So, what does this really mean for everyday life? In simple terms, it’s not just about managing money well; it’s about trusting your partner to handle finances responsibly. It also means having the same financial values, like honesty (being truthful and transparent), responsibility (taking ownership of your decisions), security (having a stable foundation and safety net), generosity (willingness to share and help others), sustainability (making choices good for the environment and society), freedom (achieving financial independence), impact (investing positively in the community and environment), and simplicity (keeping strategies straightforward and easy to manage). Such trust builds over time through small everyday actions like sticking to a budget, being thoughtful with spending, and having open conversations about money. These habits create a stronger bond between partners and can help both of you feel more secure in your relationship.
Why Confidence in Money Matters
Totenhagen and colleagues suggest that how confident you feel about your financial knowledge is more important than how much you actually know about managing money. This might seem surprising, but think about it—feeling confident about money can make a big difference in how you approach decisions as a couple.
If you and your partner trust each other’s ability to manage money, you’ll be more likely to work together and talk openly about finances. When you believe your partner can budget, save, or handle expenses, you may feel more at ease instead of worrying about whether everything is being managed properly. This can help reduce stress and prevent money from becoming a source of conflict. Rather than avoiding financial discussions or leaving all the responsibility to one person, both partners can share the load, support each other, and feel more secure in their relationship. Open conversations about financial goals, smart spending, and problem-solving can strengthen trust and create a stronger sense of partnership.
The Importance of Shared Financial Values
Totenhagen and colleagues assert that it’s not just about individual confidence; research also highlights the importance of sharing similar financial values with your partner. Couples who agree on principles like financial responsibility, saving habits, or managing debt tend to feel more satisfied in their relationships. While shared values create a strong foundation, partners may still have different financial goals or opinions. However, when they can align their goals or find ways to support each other’s priorities, it fosters a sense of unity and cooperation.
A couple might both want to buy a house because they agree that having a place to live is important. However, one person might want a big backyard, while the other might prefer to be close to family. Even though they have different ideas, their shared goal of owning a home helps them work together. They can talk through their preferences, find a middle ground, and look for a house that meets both their needs. Encouraging disclosure from both partners and then finding a balance between individual goals and priorities helps to ensure you are on the same page as a couple. It doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything, but understanding each other’s financial goals and values and working together toward shared goals can help strengthen your bond.
Conclusion
It’s not just about how well someone manages money—it’s about trust. What really matters is feeling confident that your partner is responsible with finances and making decisions that benefit both of you. Dr. Mao and associates support this idea,[2] finding that money management itself doesn’t have a significant impact on relationship happiness; instead, what truly matters is the trust and confidence that comes from knowing you and your partner are on the same page about money. When you share similar financial values and goals, it creates a sense of unity and cooperation, strengthening both your financial partnership and your relationship as a whole.
Takeaways
- Talk About How You Both Handle Money.It’s important to understand how your partner thinks about and handles money. Ask each other questions like, “What are you saving for?” or “What do you think is the best way to spend money as a couple?” You can also share your own experiences—how you learned to manage money, or what you worry about when it comes to finances. Maybe one of you likes to save every penny, while the other prefers to spend a little more on experiences. While your habits may differ, the key is that both of you understand the importance of financial responsibility and long-term goals, like saving for a house or preparing for the future. The goal is to find a balance where both partners can support each other’s values, even if you approach money in different ways. As long as you are both working toward the same financial vision, compromise and communication can help you create a plan that works for both of you.
- Be Open and Honest About Money.Trust is key for feeling confident in your relationship, especially with money. If you hide debt, purchases, or money problems, your partner will likely lose trust that you are an honest and respectful partner, and they also might doubt your ability to manage finances. Keeping things hidden can make it seem like you're avoiding responsibility. Being open and honest builds trust between both partners and shows you're taking charge, which helps build your partner's confidence in your financial decisions.
References:
[1] Totenhagen, C. J., Wilmarth, M. J., Serido, J., Curran, M. A., & Shim, S. (2019). Pathways from financial knowledge to relationship satisfaction: The roles of financial behaviors, perceived shared financial values with the romantic partner, and debt. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 40(3), 423–437. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-019-09611-9
[2] Mao, D. M., Danes, S. M., Serido, J., & Shim, S. (2017). Financial influences impacting young adults’ relationship satisfaction: Personal management quality, perceived partner behavior, and perceived financial mutuality. Journal of Financial Therapy, 8(2). https://doi.org/10.4148/1944-9771.1151