Ever wonder why some couples seem totally in sync when it comes to managing money, while others can’t agree on whether to save, spend, or invest? The start of those habits often occurs early in life. In their 2014 study, BYU researchers Scott Payne and colleagues looked at how financial lessons from childhood can shape how well couples manage money together.¹ How you learned to handle money as a kid—whether through direct lessons or by observing your parents’ habits—can influence whether you and your partner develop healthy financial teamwork, including decisions about long-term goals like retirement or everyday spending.
You might think retirement is something to worry about "later," but Payne and his colleagues found that the money values you absorbed in childhood influence how you and your partner handle financial decisions as adults. They found that this is especially true for long-term financial planning, such as retirement, but also influences day-to-day money habits and teamwork. For example, if you learned early to save a portion of your allowance or saw your parents model thoughtful spending, you may be more likely to take saving for retirement seriously.¹ On the flip side, if money was a source of tension or uncertainty in your home, you might find it harder to prioritize long-term goals like retirement.
This process of childhood experiences shaping financial values is called financial socialization, and it includes both explicit and implicit lessons. Explicit socialization refers to direct money teachings—like being told to avoid credit card debt or to “save for a rainy day.” Implicit lessons are more subtle: maybe you noticed whether your family stressed about bills or whether they talked openly about money and planning. These quiet observations can have a big impact.² In fact, couples who absorbed strong saving values early on tend to carry those habits into their adult lives, making them more likely to plan for retirement even amid life’s many expenses.¹ And it’s not just about numbers in a retirement account; the study found that early financial socialization affects confidence, too. Couples who received positive financial messages growing up are more likely to feel secure and aligned with their partner when planning for the future. That sense of shared financial identity helps couples face retirement with collaboration instead of stress or uncertainty.
So what can couples do today, regardless of their childhood money experiences? First, recognize that your approach to saving for retirement didn’t appear out of thin air. Reflecting on the financial lessons you grew up with can help you understand why you might avoid thinking about retirement—or why you’re hyper-focused on it. Second, talk with your partner about those early experiences. You may realize you both inherited different money mindsets, but understanding each other’s past can help you build a stronger financial future. And finally, if you’re raising children, think about what you’re modeling now. Whether you talk about your 401(k) at the dinner table or explain why you’re saving instead of spending, those small moments add up. They’re helping to shape how your kids will one day face their own financial futures.
Takeaways
- Talk about your money past.
Your beliefs about retirement might be rooted in early experiences. Did your family plan for the future or live paycheck to paycheck? Sharing this with your partner can help build mutual understanding. - Practice long-term thinking together.
Even if saving doesn’t come naturally, you can build the habit as a team. Start with small, consistent steps like setting up a monthly retirement check-in or automating contributions to a savings account. - Model healthy planning for the next generation.
Your kids are watching. When they see you calmly plan for the future and talk openly about money, you’re planting the seeds for their future financial confidence—even decades down the line.
References:
¹ Payne, S. H., Yorgason, J. B., & Dew, J. P. (2014). Spending today or saving for tomorrow: The influence of family financial socialization on financial preparation for retirement. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 35, 106–118. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-013-9363-2
² Gudmunson, C. G., & Danes, S. M. (2011). Family financial socialization: Theory and critical review. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 32(4), 644–667. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-011-9275-y