The Jewish community has beautiful cultural practices and rituals that we can all learn from to foster positive outcomes in life, marriage, and parenting.[1] One example of these practices is the observance of Jewish Shabbat, or Sabbath (taking place from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday). During this time, families can connect as they eat together as a family, receive blessings, or find time to prepare traditional foods together. Dr. Heather Kelley, Dr. LeBaron-Black, and their colleagues have found that this observance can bring family members closer together as it “fosters a sense of duty and unity” in the home.
In an effort to explore how Judaism enhanced relationships between spouses and between parents and children, the research team contacted 30 families, referred by their synagogue leaders. All four main branches of Judaism were represented in these families: Conservative, Orthodox, Reform, and Reconstructionist. Their goal was to learn more about the families’ experiences with general life strengths, marital strengths, and parent-child strengths. You can learn how to adopt these successful practices as you read the families’ accounts:
1. Life strengths
Jewish rituals and traditions strengthened family members’ ability to celebrate times of joy and to cope with difficulty, pain, and loss. One young boy detailed how some rituals provided him with comfort and served as a coping mechanism when his uncle passed away. He shared:
“I had an uncle who was murdered...I found comfort [in] the ritual that’s associated with death. [It] really helped me deal with the suddenness and the sadness of it...The burial ritual, the funeral ritual, the Shiva ritual of staying at home [with family] for seven days...are things that helped me cope in the short term. And during the service ... the Kaddish prayer ... the prayer for memory [or] prayer for the dead, [was] very comforting for me.”
What we learn from this account is that mitzvot—the commandments, which include both the rituals and ethics of Judaism—can help Jewish people find strength in times of difficulty, such as the passing of a loved one. Whatever our religion and culture, meaningful rituals can help us cope with the ups and downs and even the tragedies of life.
2. Marital strengths
Regarding marriage, one couple expressed that their religious affiliation deepened their perceptions of what marriage could and should be. Taking this a step further, one husband in the study expressed that the sacredness was on an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level:
“The purpose of marriage is to increase the holiness of human relationships… We hope to have an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual dimension, where we help each other to try to ascend to a higher level, or at least become more what we should be.”
Eli’s feelings toward marriage helps us to understand how a couple can come together to build each other up in different facets of their lives. Whatever our religion and culture, as we strive to elevate one another in marriage, we can develop a higher, holier, and more unified relationship with our spouse.
3. Parent-child strengths
Several parents expressed that God is a perfect model for parenting that they attempt to emulate. Spurred by their religious beliefs, parents tried to be benevolent and forgiving as a way to enhance their relationship with their children. Teaching their children to pray for forgiveness as well as demonstrating mutual respect between each other helped avoid and dissipate some conflict in the home. Whatever our religion and culture, teaching our children how to be good, kind people and family members and then modeling that in the way we treat them can strengthen family relationships.
Takeaways
1. Find harmony within the home.
Harmony in the home can be developed as families deepen their commitment to each other and to their religion/God. Find time to worship together as a family through church attendance or family prayer. As you take the steps to strengthen each other in faith, it may help strengthen the bonds of family in the home.
2. Find personal strength from faith and religion.
As with these Jewish families, we can develop personal strength though our faith and religion. Find time to build up your own faith by actively participating in faith building experiences such as prayer, reading scriptures, or writing down ways in which you see God’s hand in your life. Building up faith comes one day at a time and through continual efforts and practice.
Summary
The findings from Dr. Kelley and Dr. LeBaron-Black’s study underscore how beliefs and values, such as those of Jewish Americans, can positively impact marriage and parenting. Adhering to Judaism’s teachings in daily life strengthened individuals and the relationships between spouses as well as between parents and their children.
One mother in the study summed this up when she stated, “There’s no area of life … that hasn’t been addressed in Judaism.”3 It is clear from this research that the faith of many practicing Jews is deeply important to them and affects their daily decisions in marriage and in parenting. We can all learn from Jewish traditions and practices as we strive to better not only ourselves but also our relationships with others.
References:
[1]Kelley, H. H., LeBaron, A. B., Sussman, L. J., Fagan, J., Dollahite, D. C., & Marks, L. D. (2018). Shalom bayit—Peace of the home: Ritual and tradition in American Jewish families. Marriage & Family Review, 54(7), 706–718. https://doi-org.byu.idm.oclc.org/10.1080/01494929.2018.1478922