In marriage, numerous factors come into play determining power dynamics, or who holds what amount of power in the relationship. From work stress, intimacy, and social lives, there is much to balance within a marriage. Yet, in this complexity, have you ever paused to consider how your financial behaviors as a couple might be affecting your marriage? In this article, we will delve into the often-overlooked connection between financial behaviors and marital dynamics, shedding light on how our financial decisions may shape the delicate balance of power in our relationships, (hopefully) contributing to equal partnership.
Research[1] by Dr. Xiaomin Li, Dr. LeBaron-Black, and colleagues provides insight into how healthy financial behaviors (e.g., budgeting, managing debt, or financial planning) can lead to a more equal distribution of power in marriages. An equal distribution of power within finances entails managing finances together with responsibility, honesty, organization, and fairness. The researchers found that couples who have mastered this power balance also tend to experience less relational aggression, which includes behaviors like manipulation, spreading rumors, or controlling actions towards your partner. Relational aggression can be used to isolate a partner from potential social support and increase their dependence on the relationship. For example, someone may be spreading rumors about their spouse to their friends in an effort to make them look bad and lose their friendships. In a healthy marital relationship, there should be an equal distribution of power that allows both partners to have mutual influence and shared decision-making.
The study1 indicates that fluctuations in power balance can influence relational aggression within marriages. When husbands perceive a decrease in how balanced the power is in the marriage, both partners may experience heightened levels of relational aggression. This suggests that perceived shifts in power dynamics can impact the overall relational quality and behavior of both spouses. This finding is particularly eye-opening as it suggests that even if there is no actual change in power dynamics within a marriage, the husband perceiving such a shift can still result in increased relational aggression.
Interestingly, Li and her team further elaborate that when spouses perceive a decline in power equality, they often feel the balance shifting away from themselves, leading to a potential power struggle where neither partner is willing to accept influence from the other. This resistance may stem from a desire to regain control because being influenced by their spouse might be seen as a loss of autonomy. When both partners resist influence, it becomes difficult to remain open to change or growth, creating a power imbalance that can be detrimental to the relationship and contribute to significant strain.
If you find yourself grappling with power imbalances or relational aggression in your marriage, there are solutions available. One effective approach may involve reevaluating and improving your financial habits as a couple, thereby fostering a healthier dynamic and strengthening your bond. By addressing underlying issues related to power dynamics and financial management, couples can work towards a healthier, more harmonious, and more fulfilling relationship.
Takeaways
Here are five strategies that couples can implement in their relationship to cultivate healthy financial habits together:
1. Initiate Financial Discussions: Regularly discuss financial goals, concerns, and priorities. Once a month, set aside time to talk about finances. Transparency builds trust and ensures both partners are on the same page regarding spending, saving, and investing.
2. Set Mutual Financial Goals: Establish shared goals such as saving for a home, retirement, or travel. Create a five-year plan and discuss what you would like to see happen in that period. Working towards common objectives strengthens unity and motivates both partners to adhere to responsible financial practices.
3. Create a Budget Together: Collaboratively develop (and then stick to) a budget that reflects both partners’ incomes, expenses, and long-term objectives, including what you agreed upon in the five-year plan. Allocate funds for essentials, savings, and discretionary spending, while also allowing room for unexpected costs.
4. Manage the Money Together: Both spouses being actively involved in money management helps couples have balanced power and a more satisfying marriage.2 While you might divide and conquer some financial tasks (such as paying bills) based on each partner’s strengths and interests, make sure both of you are involved, accountable to each other, and working as a team in financial matters. Make sure both of you are knowledgeable and capable enough to do any of your financial tasks at any point. Use your regular financial discussions and budgeting sessions to stay team-oriented and informed and to make sure your financial decisions are made together.
5. Regularly Review and Adjust: Schedule periodic check-ins to evaluate financial progress and make necessary adjustments. Life circumstances and financial priorities may change, so staying flexible ensures that the financial plan and the budget remain aligned with both partners’ aspirations.
Implementing these strategies can help minimize relational aggression and ultimately lead to a more equal distribution of power between spouses. It is essential to remember that creating a balanced partnership in marriage requires effort from both spouses. Otherwise, couples automatically organize their lives around the more “powerful” partner. While it may not resolve all your marital conflicts, it serves as a promising starting point for many couples. For those who are not yet married, acquiring these skills can be invaluable for navigating personal financial matters effectively in your own lives and may aid in any future relationships.
References:
[1] Li, X., Wheeler, B. E., James, S. L., LeBaron-Black, A. B., Holmes, E. K., & Yorgason, J. B. (2024). For richer, for poorer: Financial behaviors, power (im)balance, and relational aggression among different-gender newlyweds in the U.S. Family Process, 63(1), 176–191. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12886
2 LeBaron, A. B., Holmes, E. K., Yorgason, J. B., Hill, E. J., & Allsop, D. B. (2019). Feminism and couple finance: Power as a mediator between financial processes and relationship outcomes. Sex Roles, 81(3), 140-156. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-018-0986-5