Picture this: Maui, Maldives, or Mexico. You and your spouse are newlyweds basking in the glow of marital bliss. The sun on your skin, the breeze flowing through your hair, the scent of the salty sea air, the sound of your spouse counting your money to prepare the weekly budget—wait what? In their research study, Matthew Saxey, Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black, and colleagues discovered that the way couples manage their money together could impact their sex lives.[1]
Their research sought to uncover the complex connection between financial management (e.g., budgeting, communicating openly about financial health, discussing financial values, etc.) and sexual satisfaction. Rather than only establishing a link between financial management and sexual satisfaction, these researchers wanted to find the direction of this association between the two. What this means is that this study tried to understand what came first, financial management behaviors or sexual satisfaction. Does sexual satisfaction predict financial management behaviors, or do monetary management behaviors predict sexual satisfaction?
The findings? Enlightening. When couples are happy with their sex lives, it can make them feel better about their marriage, which might help them manage money better. But what is even more important is that the way couples handle money has a bigger impact on how happy they are with their sex lives. So, being good with money seems to be more important for their happiness in the bedroom than the other way around.
Notably, the study uncovered gender differences in these associations, highlighting complicated dynamics within marital relationships. First, husbands’ financial behaviors only impact their own sexual satisfaction, while wives’ financial behaviors affect their own and their husbands’ sexual satisfaction. Second, when wives are involved in managing a couple’s finances, their marriage tends to be stronger and more stable; whereas, when only husbands handle the money, marriages tend to suffer. Men may traditionally be more expected to fulfill expectations around the family’s finances, but sharing this responsibility can actually improve a relationship.
So, what does this mean for you and your partner? It means that when it comes to nurturing a fulfilling and intimate relationship, paying attention to both financial and relational aspects is crucial. As you embark on your journey together, remember that the way you manage your finances can have profound implications for your sexual satisfaction.
As you plan your next romantic getaway or cozy night in, consider the hidden link between money and intimacy. In the dance of love and finances, understanding the steps can lead to a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
Takeaways
1. Money Talks, Intimacy Listens.
Discussing finances with your partner is not just about dollars and cents—it is about nurturing a deeper connection. Take time to openly communicate about your financial goals, concerns, and priorities to strengthen both your financial foundation and your bond of intimacy. One idea for improving money communication includes making it a regular habit; make a regular appointment weekly or monthly to sit down together with your favorite dessert and talk about your financial standing. Regular goal setting is also a wonderful time for partners to listen to how the other person would like to use the money. Uniting on values ahead of time leads to more harmony later.
2. Invest in Your Love Bank.
Being financially satisfied can pay dividends in intimacy and satisfaction. Couples may consider taking a class on budgeting, investing, or retirement planning together. That way, couples can start to feel more satisfied with playing offense with their means instead of constantly trying to defend themselves from impending doom, otherwise known as “debt.”
3. Balancing the Budget of Responsibilities.
Recognize that both spouses being involved in money management is best for most marriages. When couples share financial responsibilities, it can lead to a stronger and more balanced relationship. Have open discussions about your respective financial involvement and how that might be influencing your relationship.
References:
[1] Saxey, M. T., Dew, J. P., Yorgason, J. B., & LeBaron-Black, A. B. (2024). Which came first, the money or the sex? Bidirectional, indirect associations between financial management behaviors and sexual satisfaction among newlywed couples. The Journal of Sex Research, 61(2), 285–298. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2023.2206818