Our perception of situations often influences how we respond to them. In the article Materialism, Perceived Financial Problems, and Marital Satisfaction, Dr. Luke Dean and colleagues examined how marital satisfaction was influenced by couples’ perceptions of financial issues (e.g., job insecurity, debt, differing priorities, and spending habits), emphasizing how materialism frequently fuels conflicts related to these challenges. They found that couples with strong materialistic values tend to see financial issues as more frequent, even when the intensity of the issues did not differ greatly from those faced by less materialistic couples.[1] The lower frequency of financial issues reported by less materialistic couples likely stems from their prioritization of the relationship over finances. When marriage is highly valued, financial issues are less likely to disrupt marital happiness; however, couples who highly value money and possessions might suffer in their marriage.[2] This begs the question, what do you choose to prioritize, and how do your choices influence your relationship?
Materialism
Materialism is the importance people place on worldly possessions,2 with materialistic individuals valuing the opportunities, recognition, and security that wealth can bring above all else. They often equate happiness with what they own—homes, luxury items, or gadgets. However, studies suggest that this focus on possessions can lead to less happiness and higher anxiety compared to those who prioritize emotional connections and shared experiences.[3]
Materialism can take a toll on a couple’s relationship by influencing financial goals, spending habits, and lifestyle choices. When one or both partners prioritize acquiring possessions or maintaining a higher standard of living, tensions can arise as their desires may not align with financial realities. These differences can lead to financial distress,1 disagreements,[4] and dissatisfaction in the relationship.4
Conflicts are more likely when financial stress is high.[5] Materialistic people are more likely to overspend, which causes stress.[6] And, for materialistic people, unmet financial expectations can also add to stress. When focusing on wealth overshadows the relationship, money pressures and unmet goals can create tension and weaken the bond between partners.
Perceptions and Marital Satisfaction
Financial issues are shaped not just by objective factors, such as income or debt, but by each partner’s perception and reaction to their financial situation. Issues such as job insecurity, debt, differing priorities, and spending habits can all create tension within a relationship. Dr. Dean’s study emphasized that the way couples define and respond to financial problems can significantly influence marital satisfaction.1
Defining and addressing financial problems can be challenging when partners view and prioritize finances differently. These differences can often lead to conflicts that affect the quality of the relationship.1 For example, one partner might prioritize spending on vacations to feel free and relaxed, while the other prefers saving or spending on practical needs. Similarly, one might enjoy eating out as a way to feel valued and connected, while the other may see it as unnecessary. These conflicting priorities can lead to misunderstandings and tension, highlighting the importance of understanding each other's values and finding a balance.
Developing a shared perspective on finances can positively influence the relationship. Honest communication about financial goals, feelings around money, and inherited financial attitudes helps each partner understand the other’s decisions. While this may not resolve all financial issues, it creates an environment for open discussion and respectful disagreement.
Takeaways
1. Find a Change in Perspective.
How you perceive the relationship influences your behavior towards your partner.[7] Financial issues are important, but they should never overshadow nurturing the relationship. Being mindful of each other's responsibilities and expressing gratitude for contributions to the household can foster a more positive perspective. Spending time together—such as going on dates or enjoying mutual hobbies—can nurture the relationship and help couples reconnect weekly. Setting aside one day each week for this purpose can strengthen the foundation of the relationship. Additionally, sharing small daily moments, like having lunch, reading, walking, or simply being close, helps keep partners connected in meaningful ways.
2. Be Mindful of Materialism.
Financial improvement can be a positive goal for a couple, but material possessions should not take priority. Prioritizing possessions can overshadow other important aspects of life. It is essential to find a balance between acquiring things and maintaining perspective, ensuring that material pursuits do not detract from relational and emotional fulfillment. Try focusing your financial goals on financial health and stability, not possessions or status. Be intentionally generous by adding “giving” to your budget.[EG1]
3. Approach Problems Positively.
Challenges are a natural part of any relationship. Disagreements, outside stress, and inconveniences will arise, but focusing too much on these issues can make them feel more frequent. Instead, couples should work together to address issues constructively. One helpful approach is to set aside time daily to share positive things each partner did and express gratitude. If there is a need to discuss difficulties, setting a weekly time to talk and make goals can help keep communication open. For immediate issues, it is best to cool down first; giving each other space can prevent anger from escalating. When calm, couples can discuss the situation and agree on compromises. It is also important not to take problems personally; working together against the issue, rather than against each other, can make a positive difference and help each partner feel cared for and loved.
4. Prepare to face financial issues.
To manage family finances and reduce financial stress, couples can set aside time weekly or monthly to create a budget, review the past month, and make financial decisions together. Setting shared financial goals and agreeing on ways to reduce expenses can also be helpful. Building an emergency fund, ideally of an amount equal to six to nine months’ worth of expenses, can provide security and reduce stress. Additionally, finding a side hustle to increase household income can further ease financial burdens. Using these strategies, partners may feel less anxious and more supported in managing finances together.
References:
[1] Dean, L. R., Carroll, J. S., & Yang, C. (2007). Materialism, perceived financial problems, and marital satisfaction. Family and Consumer Sciences Research Journal, 35(3), 260–281. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077727X06296625
[2] LeBaron, A. B., Kelley, H. H., & Carroll, J. S. (2018). Money over marriage: Marriage importance as a mediator between materialism and marital satisfaction. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 39(2), 337–347. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-017-9563-2
[3] Kasser, T., & Ahuvia, A. (2002). Materialistic values and well-being in business students. European Journal of Social Psychology, 32(1), 137–146. https://doi-org.byu.idm.oclc.org/10.1002/ejsp.85
[4] Snyder, D. K., Wills, R. M., & Keiser, T. W. (1981). Empirical validation of the marital satisfaction inventory: An actuarial approach. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 49(2), 262–268. https://doi-org.byu.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/0022-006X.49.2.262
[5] Archuleta, K. L., Britt, S. L., Tonn, T. J., & Grable, J. E. (2011). Financial satisfaction and financial stressors in marital satisfaction. Psychological Reports, 108(2), 563–576. https://doi-org.byu.idm.oclc.org/10.2466/07.21.PR0.108.2.563-576
[6] Garðarsdóttir, R. B., & Dittmar, H. (2012). The relationship of materialism to debt and financial well-being: The case of Iceland’s perceived prosperity. Journal of Economic Psychology, 33(3), 471–481. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.joep.2011.12.008
[7] Willoughby, B. J., Hall, S. S., & Luczak, H. P. (2015b). Marital paradigms: A conceptual framework for marital attitudes, values, and beliefs. Journal of Family Issues, 36(2), 188–211. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X13487677.