Joining your life with another person through marriage comes with many challenges such as raising a family, dealing with in-laws, or potential snoring—to name a few. Adapting to your partner’s financial habits and values is no exception. Trying to understand and compromise on finances is a daunting task, especially since finances seem to affect every aspect of our lives: where we live, what we eat, what we wear, and what we do.
There has been no shortage of discussion and research about how finances can impact a romantic relationship. A recent study led by Dr. LeBaron-Black and colleagues1 dove into how having shared financial values—what an individual believes the role of money to be, and how it should be used—interacts with marital outcomes. The unique approach of this study was to focus on not only marital satisfaction, but also on relationship stability. This highlights an important facet in the longevity of relationships: how a couple feels about their own and their partner’s financial values.
The study found that people who perceived that they shared the same financial values with their partner were better able to communicate about money. Their ability to discuss finances well then befitted marital satisfaction and stability1.
Couples may share open and healthy communication in other areas of their lives, such as parenting or sex, but still struggle to communicate about finances2. This may be because some couples view money as a taboo topic, which means they are much less likely to discuss it. This can be a cause of tension for a partnership, especially if one partner is wanting to talk about it and the other wants to avoid it3. Money communication can also be hard because these discussions can easily become conflictual, bring up power struggles, and reveal deeper relational issues4.
As a stable and satisfying marriage is the goal for couples, the question we need to ask is, how can we help ourselves and others to overcome these communication setbacks and value differences? Establishing high-quality financial communication earlier in the relationship and changing perceptions of financial habits within the partnership to be more aligned were found to buffer the negative impacts of financial difficulties on a relationship3. So, couples should improve communication about finances and learn how to share financial values.
Takeaways:
1. Improve all areas of your communication, including financial.
Just because a couple shares healthy communication in one area, doesn’t mean that it will transfer to all other areas of the relationship2. Two ways to evaluate the quality of communication about finances is the frequency it is discussed, and if each partner walks away feeling like it was a positive or negative discussion1. Healthy communication will differ for each couple, but understanding that increasing frequency and checking in with yourself and your partner after about how you’re feeling about it could be a good place to start.
2. Understand one another’s financial values and come together.
Learning to understand why you or your partner want to spend money a certain way or have certain financial goals can help you understand the financial value behind the behavior. By improving understanding of one another’s financial values and learning to adapt and adopt values, you can improve your martial stability and satisfaction.
References:
1 LeBaron‐Black, A. B., Saxey, M. T., Totenhagen, C. J., Wheeler, B., Archuleta, K. L., Yorgason, J. B., & James, S. L. (2022). Financial communication as a mediator between financial values and marital outcomes. Family Relations, 72(4), 1974–1992. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12786
2 Weber, D. M., Lavner, J. A., & Steven. (2023). Couples’ communication quality differs by topic. Journal of Family Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001111
3 Saxey, M. T., LeBaron‐Black, A. B., Inman, N. F., Yorgason, J. B., & Holmes, E. K. (2024). The earlier couples first discussed finances, the better? A dyadic, longitudinal replication and extension. Family Relations. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.13030
4 Dew, J., & Dakin, J. (2011). Financial disagreements and marital conflict tactics. Journal of Financial Therapy, 2(1). https://doi.org/10.4148/jft.v2i1.1414
Dew, J. P., & Stewart, R. (2012). A financial issue, a relationship issue, or both? Examining the predictors of marital financial conflict. Journal of Financial Therapy, 3(1), 4. https://doi.org/10.4148/jft.v3i1.1605
LeBaron, A. B., Holmes, E. K., Yorgason, J. B., Hill, E. J., & Allsop, D. B. (2019). Feminism and couple finance: Power as a mediator between financial processes and relationship outcomes. Sex Roles, 81(3), 140-156. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-018-0986-5