The golden glow of the setting sun warms the vibrant petals of lilies and roses of a wedding arbor, under which a couple exchanges heartfelt vows. As they gaze into each other's eyes, they ponder the most romantic thought, “How will we manage our finances together?” They both have full-time jobs, with a shared annual salary of $80,000, but like the average American household, they are likely to be $16,000—or about 20% of their annual income—in debt.[1]
Most brides and grooms yearn to keep their newfound love aflame…is it possible that debt affects one’s fulfillment in marriage? Dr. Jeff Dew studied the relationship between changes in debt and changes in marital satisfaction among 1,000 newlywed couples—couples who had only been married for about three years. Expectedly, he found that when these couples reported having more debt, they were less satisfied with their marriage. What wasn’t expected, however, was that debt correlated with many underlying problems in marriage, such as decreased quality time and increased conflict in couples.1 Ultimately, this may lead to more dissatisfaction in marriage, making debt every newlywed’s nightmare.
Debt: The Thief of Quality Time
Couples are snatched away from snuggle-time and sharing bon bons under the moon as debt begins to rise and, resultingly, they experience less marital happiness. Dr. Dew’s study unearthed the reason why: he found that, as debt increased, men typically took on more work hours, and women fewer.1 More work hours are assumed to appease the rising amount of bills to pay, but he did not explicitly say why there was an inverse work-hour outcome among men and women. In a different study, it was found that men often prefer to work full-time jobs, whereas many women prefer part-time jobs.3 A preference for benefits that come from full-time jobs and transportation complications could be the reason behind Dr. Dew’s findings. Either way, this change in work hours decreases the amount of time that a couple can spend together.
There are other reasons why lack of quality time relates to marital dissatisfaction. Quality time allows couples to develop emotional and physical intimacy. When this is not achieved and partners spend less time together, they begin to lose a sense of their couple identity. In other words, time together helps partners feel more like a couple.[2]
Debt: The Agitator of Conflict
Interestingly, debt acts as a catalyst for conflict that swells mundane, everyday problems into heated arguments. When couples have debt, it can often lead to arguments that do not pertain to the subject of debt at all.1 This experience is known as the exaggeration effect. In a worst-case scenario, this increased conflict prevents a couple from communicating with each other altogether, leading to more severe problems.
For example, if a couple does not feel united in their financial decisions, they may feel a lack of fairness.1 This would also lead to a decrease in marital satisfaction, making debt the ultimate agitator of conflict.
Takeaways
Debt is one of the scariest things that a couple may face, especially newlywed couples. The question is, what can help maintain a happy, healthy marriage in the face of difficult and inevitable financial circumstances? Here are some tips on how to avoid letting debt become your newlywed nightmare:
Learn how to manage your finances together. Learning about appropriate ways to manage debt and plan financially as a family unit are essential in helping couples avoid difficult financial situations in the first place. This could also prevent conflicts and help keep marriage enjoyable.1 Brigham Young University offers courses such as Family Finance (SFL 260), or free online education at personalfinance.byu.edu. Financial education could have a significant impact on a couple's financial outcomes. Couples who actively repay debt often experience far more marital satisfaction.1
Find time to draw close. In most relationships, quality time is vital for an intimate connection. Prioritizing time for your significant other every day is likely to help you have a happier marriage! This will help you maintain a sense of couple identity, making individualistic financial decisions that could lead to conflict less likely.
Stay calm and supportive of one another. Money is freedom and comfort, and living in debt can often feel restricting and overwhelming. Be patient with your spouse, especially in financially difficult times. As you learn how to manage your finances together and spend quality time together, you will become more aware of each other’s financial desires. In turn, you will find more satisfaction and unity in your marriage, despite the nightmare of debt.1 At last, you will be able to return to the sweet dreams of snuggle-time and bon bons.
References:
[1] Dew, J. (2008). Debt change and marital satisfaction change in recently married couples. Family Relations, 57, 60–71. https://search.lib.byu.edu/byu/record/edsbyu.edsgao.edsgcl.172971239
[2] Dew, J. P. (2007). Do you have the time? changes in and implications of spouses' time together. https://search.lib.byu.edu/byu/record/sa.facpub.5514
[3] Clarkberg, M., & Phyllis, M. (2001). Understanding the time-squeeze: Married couples' preferred and actual work-hour strategies - ProQuest.https://doi.org/10.1177/0002764012195668