Usually, marriages of many different ethnicities are grouped together and explored as a whole. While this can prove useful for looking at marriage generally, we can learn a lot by focusing on specific groups, such as African American couples. Exploring the unique strengths of happy and enduring African American marriages can help us to better understand how different groups of people thrive in a marital relationship—and what we might learn from them. In a study focused on finding the strengths that contributed to enduring, satisfying, and happy marriages in African American couples, Dr. Loren Marks and colleagues found unique insights into the struggles and strengths these couples face.1
One of the main struggles these couples encountered was making time for their spouse and children outside of work. Often, spouses were working opposite hours and struggled to spend the amount of time they desired with family members. One participant shared: “[We] don’t have much time to spend together because I work two jobs and when I get off at home, I only get home for a certain time and then I go to another [job].”[1] Across all couples that were interviewed, there was a common agreeance that it is difficult to create enough family time while managing other demands.1
Despite challenges, the ways in which African American couples approach these challenges seems to be a strong predictor of positive relationships.1 For example, some of the couples mentioned pooling their resources and strengths to tackle challenges together. They shared: “We really don’t have to go outside of the house [for strength and support] . . . We rely on each other.”1This applies to an array of challenges from starting a new job to navigating the death of a loved one. Couples often turned to one another to navigate struggles and reported an enhanced marital bond.1 The couples mentioned how in these instances they felt as though they were “equally yoked” or “complementary” to one another.1 Often, in areas where one spouse had weakness, the other had strength. This means that not only are couples aware of their differences, they rely on them to help them to overcome challenges and to complement one another through life.
An additional theme Marks and colleagues noted throughout their article was how “two happy individuals often make a happy marriage.”1 The value each couple saw in one another was evident throughout the interviews and is very touching. Differences such as a wife receiving a higher level of education than the husband—which has often been found to have a negative influence on marital instability in other couples—proved to be a point of strength for African American couples.1
This study exemplifies why studying marriages across cultures is important. As we look at individual cultural dynamics, we can further understand unique and important insights into what a successful and happy marriage looks like.
Takeaways
Here are some things we can all learn from these couples:
1. Strive for equal partnership. Striving for equal partnership in your marriage is more than just dividing up chores fairly, it is truly seeing one another as equals and relying on each other when needed. “Together we are strong,” a common theme throughout the interviews1 demonstrates that these couples truly saw one another as partners and supports. They confide in one another, rely on one another, and work together to create a happy and lasting relationship.
2. There is strength in our differences. Differences can make a marriage stronger as partners “complement one another’s strengths.” Becoming the best versions of yourselves as individuals can spill over to benefit your relationship; then humbly recognize that together—because of your differences—you can do and be much more.
References:
[1] Marks, L. D., Hopkins, K., Chaney, C., Monroe, P. A., Nesteruk, O., & Sasser, D. D. (2008). "Together, we are strong": A qualitative study of happy, enduring African American marriages. Family Relations, 57(2), 172–185. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2008.00492.x