For religious individuals, their faith is one of the single most influential factors in their lives.[1] In many faith traditions, it is required or encouraged for their members to contribute their time, efforts, and money freely (religious giving)—but how do individuals really feel about religious giving, and how does that affect their marriages and families? One qualitative study by Dr. Loren Marks and colleagues answered that question by interviewing 184 highly religious couples about their beliefs.1 In this article, we will discuss some themes encompassing how couples viewed their sacrifices as giving, how the faith community supported them, and the relationships between marriage, parenting, and finances.
Theme 1: Reframing Sacrifice as Giving
Many of the participants in the study highlighted how their financial contributions to their religion were not a sacrifice, but a gift. One participant said, “I sacrifice nothing because I don’t look at it as a sacrifice. I look at it as: God has given me a gift to do what He would want me to do.” Another individual stated, “You have to take leaps of faith financially. If we take care of our offerings first, [the Lord] will provide a way for us.” These highly religious people seemed to prioritize these sacrifices. A participant added, “[Some people] think, … ‘You’re sacrificing a bunch… by doing that.’ And they would look at it as a sacrifice, where I would say it’s a priority. It’s part of my faith walk.”
Participants tended to reframe sacrifice as giving or charity, with that charity being seen as inherently relational. This helped individuals feel like they were doing better in their relationships and that they were better people because of their actions of sacrifice.
Theme 2: Faith Community and Finances
Not only did participants feel like they became better people, they also felt more amply supported by their faith communities. One participant said, “When I was going through a really, [I mean] a really, really bad financial time. I never ever had to want for anything, because someone [from my church family] was always there helping out, giving me something.” Further, one participant shared an unbelievable story. In their own words, they explained,
Our washing machine gave out … and I didn’t [even] have money to have the thing fixed, and I certainly didn’t have money for a new one… My wife came home from running the errands… and there was a washing machine sitting on the porch with a hundred dollar bill in an envelope taped to the lid, [and] boxes [of laundry detergent] from church…. Somebody obviously understood the principle of charity where you don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing…. God bless them!
Many participants had similar feelings and stories regarding the love and support they felt financially from their faith communities, as well as the support they were able to provide for others. Another participant shared their experience helping their faith community, “[It’s a] real comfort to feel like you’ve provided a meal for someone or given money for [a] good cause. [Y]ou walk away from that feeling… that all is right with your little part of the world, that you did your piece. It may be stressful… [but] the majority of the time you walk away feeling comforted.”
Theme 3: Marriage, Finances, and Faith
Marriage is also highly affected by finances, and religious giving can possibly strain those ties if it is not a shared financial goal. One participant shed light on the topic and relayed, “Sometimes money [can] be divisive but… through our religious faith we know that the money’s not ours and we know that it’s a tool.” When couples share this vision, they do well. This concept was explained thoroughly by a participant, who reported,
I think [the number one] reason we have a strong marriage is God…. [The] number two reason—I’ve been involved in [counseling others in their] marriages for a number of years—is the ability to agree financially on issues, because finances [are] the number one killer of relationships. [Many married] people disagree about money…. The fact is we have the same financial goals [and] priorities. [Money] is the number one fight—money—and if you can navigate that particular obstacle, you will do well [in marriage].
These couples’ shared commitments became a strength for them. However, do not be fooled; many couples also admitted to arguing about money. One participant shared, “People have disputes over money. That’s common…. [We’re no different].” We can see that a shared family vision of faith was meaningful to participants in their marriages, particularly when considering their finances. Marriages were strengthened when both spouses agreed in how they should give and spend their money.
Theme 4: Parenting, Finances, and Faith
Some parents in Dr. Marks’ study reported that they felt obligated to share their faith with their children, including their financial practices. A participant stated, “We want our kids to see and to know how we give to the Jewish community in terms of our time and money…. [We want] for them to be in the habit of giving of their own money.” Another participant also shared, “We pay a 10% tithing, and everybody does at church… 10% of your gross income and I know that’s always a sacrifice. [And] when you [send a child] on a mission, it’s a huge additional sacrifice…. Everybody always sees these Mormon missionaries out there, but…. it’s a [$10,000] sacrifice.” Teaching children about using their money for religious purposes and providing for children can be challenging but rewarding.
Takeaways
Finally, one participant concluded, “[During the financial challenges], God has a way of helping you to understand that money is not what it’s all about. [I]t’s when we were going through [that] emotional roller coaster [that we realized what really matters, and that] we still loved each other.” This participant’s reflection captures a deeper truth echoed across many couples’ experiences—one that invites us to reconsider our own financial values and priorities. Now, let’s discuss how we can apply these findings to our own financial situations:
· Reframe sacrifice as giving. Highly religious individuals viewed their financial contributions not as sacrifices but as gifts and priorities rooted in faith, which reinforced their sense of purpose and moral identity.[1] You can also try to adjust your point of view by reframing your financial sacrifices as gifts from the divine and an opportunity to put others first.
· Money can be divisive. Be aware of how money can potentially divide relationships and cause stress—and ultimately remember that money may not be what matters most. When we shift our focus from the numbers in our bank account to the strength of our connection with the divine and those we love, financial challenges can become opportunities for growth rather than sources of division. This awareness can not only help us manage money more wisely but can also bring peace during uncertain times by reminding us of what truly lasts.
· Grow in service and faith. Consider how you might invite more faith, unity, and purpose into your financial decisions. Whether you’re giving time, money, or support, try to view these acts not as burdens but rather as sacred opportunities to grow closer to God, strengthen your relationships, and serve others with love.
References:
[1] Marks, L. D., Dollahite, D. C., & Baumgartner, J. (2010). In God we trust: Qualitative findings on finances, family, and faith from a diverse sample of US families. Family Relations, 59(4), 439-452.