Can our differences truly strengthen us? In a recent study[1] led by Hannah Shoaf and colleagues, they found just that; differences in religion and religious beliefs within a couple relationship can be a strength to couples. Shoaf and her team identified five core themes that couples expressed as strengths of interfaith marriages: (1) increased acceptance and tolerance, (2) opportunities for exploration, learning, and discovery, (3) an increased ability to find and build upon similarities, (4) more traditions and practices, and (5) strengthened personal faith. With an increase in interfaith relationships, it is important to learn how couples navigate difficult topics – such as religion – and develop strength and resiliency.
Theme 1: Increased acceptance and tolerance
Shoaf and her team found that 81% of couples expressed how being in an interfaith relationship encouraged them to be more accepting and tolerant of not only their spouse’s beliefs, but of other people’s religious and cultural differences as well. For some, this meant being supportive of a spouse’s practices and being willing to compromise on issues where they differed in opinions. For others, it was being more open about hearing perspectives different from their own. One participant stated the importance of learning acceptance and tolerance as she is now teaching her children how to be accepting of others in a diverse world. She felt that she and her husband’s experiences with their interfaith relationship allowed her to learn these values for herself and teach them to their children.
Theme 2: Opportunities for exploration, learning, and discovery
This may seem like an obvious one, but it is extremely important. Many participants in the study noted that one benefit of being in an interfaith relationship was that it provided a consistent wealth of inside information and access to other religious communities. Not only do interfaith couples learn more about each other’s religions, they learn more about their own. It was mentioned by a participant how she has grown to understand her own beliefs better as she has had to explain herself and her religious background to her spouse. This experience has allowed her to gain a stronger sense of who she is and what she believes. And as couples reported on having the opportunity to explore, learn, and discover more about their partner’s religious beliefs, it has helped them develop a deeper admiration and respect for their religious differences and perspectives.
Theme 3: An increased ability to find and build upon similarities.
In a relationship with differences in religion, it is important to find the similarities. About half of the interfaith couples in the study expressed an increased ability to find and emphasize similarities, and to build upon and celebrate them in their relationship. One couple shared similarities such as respecting others, carrying yourself with a level of dignity, and having compassion and empathy. They mentioned that they hope to impart these joint values to their daughter. For other couples, a similarity was the fact that religion encourages people to be better individuals. Embracing shared values within interfaith relationships creates a solid foundation for fostering mutual respect, understanding, and a unified approach to life.
Theme 4: More traditions and practices
Interfaith households allow for more traditions and celebrations! Although a profound source of contention for some same-faith and interfaith couples alike, having different traditions may give opportunities to celebrate and gather. It can be special for a couple to celebrate their differing beliefs as this allows them to join in honoring something they each hold dear. Many couples reported valuing each other’s faith traditions and enjoyed their spouse’s religious holidays and customs. For several couples, there was an element of added fun. In addition to the extra festivities, couples reported that they appreciated diversity in religious beliefs because they could see different ways to celebrate. As one father stated, “We get the strength of two Gods!” Ultimately, the blending of traditions in interfaith households not only enriches the lives of couples and their families but also fosters a deeper appreciation for diversity, making their shared journey even more meaningful and joyful.
Theme 5: Strengthened personal faith
Answering questions and having the opportunity to explain more about one’s faith was an important learning experience for many couples. Some participants added that these processes helped strengthen their own faith. They expressed how their spouse directly strengthened their faith by supporting them in their religious practices. They also can share with their spouse something that is important to them and listen when their spouse shares something as well. It is wonderful when couples can encourage each other to be strong in their individual faiths. A deeper level of respect and admiration can develop when we support the beliefs of our spouse. In conclusion, mutual support and open dialogue between partners in interfaith relationships can not only deepen their understanding and respect for one another but can also strengthen their individual faiths, fostering a profound connection built on shared encouragement and love.
Takeaways
Although this study was about interfaith couples, we can all take away something from their examples. Here are a few ideas on how we can each incorporate the findings into our own lives.
1. Cultivate Acceptance and Seek Common Ground: Embrace differences in beliefs and perspectives, whether or not they relate to religion. Being open and accepting of others’ viewpoints fosters mutual respect and understanding. Focus on shared values and similarities with others. Building relationships on common interests and goals strengthens connections and fosters unity.
2. Embrace Opportunities for Learning and Celebrating: Engage with people from diverse backgrounds to broaden your horizons. Learning about diverse cultures and beliefs can enhance your own knowledge and empathy. Participate in and appreciate various cultural and social traditions. Celebrating diversity enriches your experiences and helps build a more inclusive community.
3. Strengthen Personal Beliefs and Values: Reflect on and articulate your own beliefs and values. Discussing these with others can reinforce your understanding and commitment to them.
4. Develop Resilience and Unity: Work through differences and challenges in your relationships. Developing resilience together fosters stronger, more meaningful connections with friends, family, and colleagues.
Summary
We know that no two people share the exact same worldview and that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but working together through challenges and developing resiliency is a skill necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. The examples of the participants in this study are an incredible demonstration of unity among differences and love despite challenges. Their experiences highlight the importance of communication, compromise, and mutual respect in fostering a strong and enduring bond. By embracing each other’s differences, couples can build a more profound and meaningful connection.
References:
[1] Shoaf, H. K., Hendricks, J. J., Marks, L. D., Dollahite, D. C., Kelley, H. H., & Gomez Ward, S. (2022). Strengths and strategies in interfaith marriages. Marriage & Family Review, 58(8), 675–701. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2022.2093311