The transition from adolescence to emerging adulthood is not only challenging for the emerging adult, but also for the parents navigating the constantly changing boundaries associated with it. Going from family rules and setting curfews for adolescents to lots of independence for college aged children, this change may not be an easy one for anyone involved.
The growing pains of becoming an adult and learning to manage your own time and decisions can be a difficult thing for many parents to watch. Not to mention, there is a new layer of complexity: finances. Before a child turns 18 years old, it is easier to know who pays for groceries, housing, and clothing, but what about after the child turns 18? Who covers tuition? Rent? Gas? Fun activities with friends? How does the fact that they are now an emerging adult change the financial support provided to them? And is there a difference between supporting and enabling?
The tightrope walk of having children in this stage is a challenging one. Emerging adults are in this “in between” stage of being done with adolescence, but not quite a “grown up.”[i] Parenting someone in this phase can also feel like an “in between.” In many ways emerging adults may still rely on their parents for support, but also want to be their own person. The most common thing holding emerging adults from feeling like they are a full adult is their financial dependence on their parents.1
Emerging adults are overwhelmingly under a high amount of financial pressure often due to the significant resource limitations they face.[ii] They may be struggling to get their feet under them financially, which could be the result of spending a significant amount of time in school, leaving little time to work.2 In a study led by Dr. Laura Padilla-Walker,1 researchers found that there are different parental approaches to financially helping emerging adults, including (1) minimally-supportive parents (not aiding at all financially), (2) joint-provider parents (covering some expenses), or (3) sole-provider parents (covering all expenses). Each of these three main approaches have different impacts on the emerging adult:
Minimally-supportive parents often have emerging adult children that “feel more like an adult” and are more independent.1 This group of emerging adults, while feeling more like an adult and having a higher level of work-related identity,1 may have higher levels of anxiety2 and may be experiencing “premature independence” due to lack of financial parental support which may hold some long-term risk-factors.1
Joint-providers, or parents that work together with the emerging adult to cover expenses, often provide tuition, rent or accommodation, and sometimes cover other expenses such as textbooks.1 The emerging adults of joint provider parents shared in the study that they still work many hours a week and have higher feelings of financial independence than emerging adults who had “sole-provider” parents.1 These adult children also have a higher level of work-based identity than the sole-provider group.1
Sole-provider parents cover every expense for their emerging adult. Their kids are often younger than the other two types of parents mentioned above (for example, these emerging adults are more likely to be 18 rather than 29).1 These emerging adults are more likely to engage in substance use than minimally supported emerging adults, have lower levels of occupational identity, and work the least number of hours per week of all the groups of emerging adults.1
There are pros and cons to each approach: a lower level of financial support can provide an independent identity that promotes emotional maturity and may lower risky behavior, while some amount of parental financial support has been linked to higher educational attainment and higher living standards later in adulthood.1
So how can a parent of an emerging adult help set them up for success in the future without harming them in the present? While this article has some great insights into how to teach kids about finances when they are younger children, I want to focus on how you can help them as emerging adults. Here are some takeaways on how you can help your emerging adult children:
Takeaways
1. Talk to them about finances.
However much you can or choose to help your child with their finances during emerging adulthood is ultimately up to you and your personal circumstances, but teaching them how to manage finances can be extremely helpful in helping them to feel empowered and independent without crushing financial stress. Help them learn to manage and budget their new life and provide resources to aid them in their financial success. This article is about managing finances as a college student and may be helpful for you and your emerging adult.
2. Balance helping and empowering your emerging adult.
Although it may not be possible for every parent to financially provide for all of their child’s financial needs during emerging adulthood, doing what you can to ease the financial burden during this difficult time2 can go a long way.1 Avoid using money as a way to hold power in your child’s life and try to hold a perspective of helping them build their future. By finding a form of financial support that works for you and your adult child, you can help set them up for financial
References:
[i] Padilla-Walker, L. M., Nelson, L. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2012). Affording emerging adulthood: Parental financial assistance of their college-aged children. Journal of Adult Development, 19(1), 50–58. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-011-9134-y
[ii] Bartholomae, S., & Fox, J. J. (2021). A decade review of research on college student financial behavior and well-being. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 42(Suppl 1), 154–177. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-021-09756-6