In a study by Dr. Heather Kelley and her team,[1] they delve into the complex role of religion in marital relationships, recognizing its dual nature as both a unifying force that strengthens bonds and a dividing force that can create tension in a relationship. This study involved interviews with 198 couples from various religious traditions, including Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, providing insight into the specific ways religious diversity can affect marriage dynamics. The authors identified three fundamental dimensions through which religion can influence marital cohesion or tension: (1) beliefs, (2) practices, and (3) community.
Beliefs encompass the deep-rooted religious meanings and identities that shape individuals’ worldview and marital dynamics.[2] Practices involve the rituals and traditions, such as prayer and attendance at religious services, which often serve as cornerstones of couples’ shared experiences and spiritual connections.[3] Lastly, community refers to the supportive networks and relationships within religious groups, which can either bolster marital unity or introduce challenges, depending on the level of involvement and acceptance.[4]
Shared religious beliefs and practices have been linked to trust between spouses and overall marital well-being.[5] Shared religious experiences often help couples resolve conflicts and reduce behaviors that threaten relationships, such as infidelity and divorce.[6] However, while religion has the potential to strengthen familial bonds, it can also be a source of conflict.[7] Two main factors tend to drive religious conflicts in marriages: (1) differing religious beliefs and (2) differing religious practices.[8] Differing religious beliefs refer to situations where spouses hold contrasting core spiritual views, which may lead to fundamental disagreements about values, life decisions, and child-rearing.[9] Disparate practices, on the other hand, involve differences in the ways couples observe or participate in their faith—such as frequency of worship or engagement in religious rituals—which can create imbalances in commitment and shared experiences. In addition to these factors, community involvement can also play a role.[10] While religious communities often offer support and a sense of belonging, they can sometimes introduce pressures or expectations that strain the marriage, especially if one partner is more deeply involved than the other. Thus, religion’s role in marriage is complex, acting as both a unifying and dividing force, depending on how well couples align in their beliefs, practices, and community engagement.
In conclusion, Kelley and her team emphasize the multifaceted impact of religion on marital relationships. While religion can bolster marital cohesion through shared beliefs, shared practices, and supportive communities, it also has the potential to sow discord when these aspects diverge or conflict. Shared religious beliefs often reinforce marital unity by underscoring the sacredness of marriage and fostering mutual respect, yet differences in beliefs may lead to fragmentation. Joint religious activities, such as prayer and participation in religious rituals, can strengthen marital bonds by cultivating shared experiences.[11] Conversely, individual religious pursuits, especially those that are time-consuming, may strain relationships. Despite potential challenges, religious communities typically offer support for marital harmony through emotional, spiritual, and practical assistance, even though some individuals may feel isolated due to differing religious backgrounds. Ultimately, the balance between unity and division in religious marriages depends on the couple’s ability to navigate their beliefs, practices, and community involvement together.
Takeaways:
Being on the same page. To harness the positive benefits of religion and minimize the negative effects, alignment is key. Sharing the same beliefs can foster harmony, but even if differences exist, mutual understanding and respect are vital. Couples should recognize that the application of these beliefs and practices are pivotal in determining the impact on the relationship. Engaging in religious practices together, such as praying and attending church, can strengthen relational bonds by creating shared experiences and spiritual connections. Additionally, couples should face challenges together, promoting open communication, active listening, and a willingness to compromise—in short, ensuring that both individual and relational needs are met. By applying these principles, couples can navigate religious differences and strengthen their marital bond.
Balancing acts. Religious communities can significantly support marriages through emotional, spiritual, and practical assistance. However, they may also impose demands—such as time commitments and financial contributions—that can strain relationships. To maintain a healthy balance, couples should establish boundaries with their community, engaging meaningfully without sacrificing quality time together. Within the marriage, prioritizing support and respect is crucial. By openly addressing the tensions arising from differing religious beliefs and practices, couples can foster mutual growth, enhancing their shared spiritual and relational journey.
References:
[1] Kelley, H. H., Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2020). Uniting and dividing influences of religion in marriage among highly religious couples. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 12(2), 167–177. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/rel0000262
[2] Dollahite, D. C., Marks, L. D., & Goodman, M. A. (2004). Families and religious beliefs, practices, and communities. In M. Coleman & L. Ganong (Eds.), Handbook of contemporary families (pp. 411–431). Sage.
[3] Marks, L. (2005). Religion and bio-psycho-social health: A review and conceptual model. Journal of Religion and Health, 44(2), 173–186. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-005-2775-z
[4] Dollahite, D. C., Marks, L. D., & Goodman, M. A. (2004). Families and religious beliefs, practices, and communities. In M. Coleman & L. Ganong (Eds.), Handbook of contemporary families (pp. 411–431). Sage.
[5] Wilcox, W. B. (2004). Soft patriarchs, new men: How Christianity shapes fathers and husbands (Vol. 880). University of Chicago Press.
[6] Brown, E., Orbuch, T. L., & Bauermeister, J. A. (2008). Religiosity and marital stability among Black American and White American couples. Family Relations, 57(2), 186–197. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2008.00493.x
[7] Curtis, K. T., & Ellison, C. G. (2002). Religious heterogamy and marital conflict: Findings from the National Survey of Families and Households. Journal of Family Issues, 23(4), 551–576. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X02023004005
[8] Kelley, H. H., Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2020). Uniting and dividing influences of religion in marriage among highly religious couples. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 12(2), 167–177. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/rel0000262
[9] Doherty, W. J. (2000). Take back your marriage. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
[10] Krause, N. (2011). Do church-based social relationships influence social relationships in the secular world? Mental Health, Religion & Culture, 14(9), 877–897. https://doi.org/10.1080/13674676.2010.534775
[11] Lambert, N. M., Fincham, F. D., LaVallee, D. C., & Brantley, C. W. (2012). Praying together and staying together: Couple prayer and trust. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 4(1), 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023060