When I was 9 years old, I had no idea what ‘Air Jordans’ were. So, when a student came to class wearing a highlighter-yellow pair, I was confused by the hullabaloo from my peers. I also didn’t realize how much popularity someone could get from something they wore! When I got home, I asked my mom if I could get some new shoes. I’m not a materialistic person, but envy of material things started early for me.
Research suggests that I may not be the only one; envy of things can start early for some children.[1] Materialism is defined as a tendency to hold material possessions as measurement of success and self-worth.[2] These findings may raise some concern in parents, especially when considering how they might raise their children. Children learn a great deal from their parents, and the same goes for materialism. One study showed that children whose parents showed need frustration (the frustration at the lack of satisfaction from a material possession) were more likely to pursue extrinsic aspirations.[3] In other words, when parents deem their worth in terms of possessions, wealth, or money, their children are more likely to show similar materialistic tendencies. Materialism can breed materialism, but it can also impact the parent-child relationship.
In their article titled Daddy, Mommy and Money: The Association Between Parental Materialism on Parent-Child Relationship Quality, Dr. David Allsop and his team studied the effects that materialism could have on parent-child relationships.2 They found that materialism does affect parent-child relationship quality, usually for the worse. Interestingly, it seems that fathers’ materialism could deteriorate the father-child relationship more than mothers’ materialism deteriorates the mother-child relationship.[4] This is because of the difference, on average, in the way fathers express materialism versus the way mothers express materialism. Research demonstrates that many fathers consider it their role to be the ‘breadwinner’ in families.[5] Fathers who obsess over this ‘breadwinner’ identity in the family (those who evaluate their success and self-worth in terms of how much money they are making) show poorer relationship quality with their children.2 This could be because fathers spend more time or focus at work than they do on their children. This dynamic is unhealthy and could be a reason we see father materialism hurting the parent-child relationship.
So, what about mothers who are the ‘breadwinners’ in their families? Why isn’t it the same? Moms can be materialistic, workaholics, and focus too much on making money for the family too, yet materialism in mothers is not as detrimental as materialism in fathers. Research demonstrates that when mothers are the ‘breadwinners’ of the family, they will typically sacrifice other household duties to make quality time with their children.2 For example, when a mother gets home from work, they are often focused on spending time with their children instead of taking care of other needs around the house.
Another key area Allsop and his team considered is parental psychological control and how it may relate to materialism and parent-child relationships.2 Parental psychological control is defined as the tendency of a parent to try to control their child’s actions, which results in psychological stress and developmental hinderance for the child.2 Consider a parent with a materialistic desire to show off their wealth. This parent might encourage their child to wear a specific brand of shoes to fulfill their own materialistic motivations. This dynamic and pursuit of control can be harmful to parent-child relationships, for obvious reasons. As mentioned above, it is psychologically damaging for children to experience manipulation or controlling behaviors from their parents.2 It could instill a sense of fear in the child, especially if the parent is aggressive in the way they approach psychological control. This is not to say that all materialism is bad or leads to psychologically controlling parenting.
Materialism can be beneficial for parent-child relationships, especially mothers’ materialism!2 Dr. Chelom Leavitt noted that materialism can be a form of empowerment for women.2 This sense of empowerment can show in mother-child relationships and boost relationship quality. In addition, research has shown that mothers’ materialism can be beneficial for the family.[6] Women are more likely to use extra household income to buy things for the good of their children or family, which is beneficial for family life.
Takeaways
Given this research, it is important for parents, even prospective parents, to look at their own materialistic values. If materialism is starting to invade your relationships, perhaps you should consider working through those issues and complications that can come from materialism. Here are some takeaways you can apply in your own life:
1. Reflect on your values.
It’s easier said than done, right? In Western society, it’s easy to fall into a consumerist mindset or put value on material things. As demonstrated through research, materialism can weigh on your family relationships. Consider where you put your value, and the effects materialism can have on your relationships. For example, you could look at your material possessions, wealth, etc. and determine if you may be putting too much value on those things. Or you might consider looking at your relationships, especially those with your children, and decide if certain possessions are impacting the quality of those relationships.
2. Think about what you have.
As mentioned above, materialism doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In the right circumstances, with the right purchases, materialism can be beneficial to family life. As you consider your own relationship with materialism, you should be mindful of how materialism may influence your family relationships. For example, you might consider looking at your purchases in the last month and gauging how often those purchases were for your children and/or family. The more you work through your own materialistic tendencies, the better off the relationships with your children could be. From there, you can readjust and bring healthier balances into your relationships.
References:
[1] Avila, J. F., Casabayó, M., & Rayburn, S. W. (2017). Religious or secular? School type matters as a moderator between media exposure and children’s materialism. International Journal of Consumer Studies. https://doi.org/10.1111/ijcs.12484
[2] Allsop, D. B., Wang, C. Y., Dew, J. P., Holmes, E. K., Hill, E. J., & Leavitt, C. E. (2021). Daddy, mommy, and money: The association between parental materialism on parent-child relationship quality. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 42, 325-334. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-020-09705-9
[3] Ferber, K. A., Bradshaw, E. L., Noetel, M., Wong, T. Y., Ahn, J. S., Parker, P. D., & Ryan, R. M. (2024). Does the apple fall far from the tree? A meta-analysis linking parental factors to children's intrinsic and extrinsic goals. Psychological Bulletin, 150(10), 1155–1177. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000448
[4] Flouri, E. (2007). The relationship between parenting and materialism in British mothers and fathers of secondary school age children. The Journal of Socio-Economics, 36(2). https://doi.org/10.016/j.socec.2005.11.052
[5] Kuo P. X., Volling, B. L., & Gonzalez, R. (2018). Gender role beliefs, work-family conflict, and father involvement after the birth of a second child. Psychology of Men and Masculinity, 19(2), 243-256. https://doi.org/10.1037/men0000101
[6] Pahl, J. (1995). His money, her money: Recent research on financial organization in marriage. Journal of Economic Psychology, 16(3), 361–376. https://doi.org/10.1016/01674870(95)00015-G