When I was 9 years old, I had no idea what ‘Air Jordans’ were. So, when a student came to class wearing a highlighter-yellow pair, I was confused by the hullabaloo from my peers. I also didn’t realize how much popularity someone could get from something they wore! When I got home, I asked my mom if I could get some new shoes. I’m not a materialistic person, but envy of material things started early for me.
Research suggests that I may not be the only one; envy of things can start early for some children.[1]
In their article titled Daddy, Mommy and Money: The Association Between Parental Materialism on Parent-Child Relationship Quality
So, what about mothers who are the ‘breadwinners’ in their families? Why isn’t it the same? Moms can be materialistic, workaholics, and focus too much on making money for the family too, yet materialism in mothers is not as detrimental as materialism in fathers. Research demonstrates that when mothers are the ‘breadwinners’ of the family, they will typically sacrifice other household duties to make quality time with their children.2 For example, when a mother gets home from work, they are often focused on spending time with their children instead of taking care of other needs around the house.
Another key area Allsop and his team considered is parental psychological control and how it may relate to materialism and parent-child relationships.2 Parental psychological control is defined as the tendency of a parent to try to control their child’s actions, which results in psychological stress and developmental hinderance for the child.2 Consider a parent with a materialistic desire to show off their wealth. This parent might encourage their child to wear a specific brand of shoes to fulfill their own materialistic motivations. This dynamic and pursuit of control can be harmful to parent-child relationships, for obvious reasons. As mentioned above, it is psychologically damaging for children to experience manipulation or controlling behaviors from their parents.2 It could instill a sense of fear in the child, especially if the parent is aggressive in the way they approach psychological control. This is not to say that all materialism is bad or leads to psychologically controlling parenting.
Materialism can be beneficial for parent-child relationships, especially mothers’ materialism!2 Dr. Chelom Leavitt noted that materialism can be a form of empowerment for women.2 This sense of empowerment can show in mother-child relationships and boost relationship quality. In addition, research has shown that mothers’ materialism can be beneficial for the family.[6]
Takeaways
Given this research, it is important for parents, even prospective parents, to look at their own materialistic values. If materialism is starting to invade your relationships, perhaps you should consider working through those issues and complications that can come from materialism. Here are some takeaways you can apply in your own life:
1. Reflect on your values.
It’s easier said than done, right? In Western society, it’s easy to fall into a consumerist mindset or put value on material things. As demonstrated through research, materialism can weigh on your family relationships. Consider where you put your value, and the effects materialism can have on your relationships. For example, you could look at your material possessions, wealth, etc. and determine if you may be putting too much value on those things. Or you might consider looking at your relationships, especially those with your children, and decide if certain possessions are impacting the quality of those relationships.
2. Think about what you have.
As mentioned above, materialism doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In the right circumstances, with the right purchases, materialism can be beneficial to family life. As you consider your own relationship with materialism, you should be mindful of how materialism may influence your family relationships. For example, you might consider looking at your purchases in the last month and gauging how often those purchases were for your children and/or family. The more you work through your own materialistic tendencies, the better off the relationships with your children could be. From there, you can readjust and bring healthier balances into your relationships.
References:
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